


can you feel my heart beat

by kishere



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Semi-Public Sex, TW: Vomiting, tw: broken bone, tw: drunken hookup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:14:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22622368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kishere/pseuds/kishere
Summary: this is where all the cut and alternate scenes from 'dancing on the blades (you set my heart on fire)' will go. i'll have tags at the beginning of each chapter along with little tidbits about why it was cut.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 40





	1. chapter one bar scene

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to [itsmyusualphannie](https://itsmyusualphannie.tumblr.com/) for betaing and to my discord group for the constant support and hype

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the cut hookup scene from chapter one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: public sex, vomiting, and dubious consent (both are intoxicated)
> 
> So, this chapter was going to make an appearance in chapter one but I cut it because i didn't particularly want porn in the first chapter. also there was the consent issue that didn't sit well with me but I really liked how giggly this was so i wanted to post it.

Dan was sweating. 

He had been sweating alcohol out of his system since he had arrived at the club, especially after Chris had made him do so many shots he could barely see straight. He tipped his head back, holding on to the hips of the girl in front of him who was wearing something short and sparkly. She laughed as she tilted her head back to rest against his chest and he thought momentarily of Rebecca, his ex-girlfriend. She had been shorter than him too. 

“You’re really bad at this,” the girl shouted, trying to be heard over the annoyingly loud pop music with a pseudo-techno beat. Her hair smelled of strawberries that had rotted and he pulled his head away to escape the smell.

“Sorry!” he shouted back, apparently too loud from the way her face had twisted up. Dan had always been told he was loud as fuck, but how was he louder than club music? 

"It’s okay. Buy me a drink!?” she shouted back and Dan figured he might as well. He already knew he was doomed to a life of being a lawyer or some shit after today’s dreadful performance; might as well have one last night of freedom before he was doomed to a life of boringness. He told the girl to wait there and slid past the groups on the dance floor to go over to the bar. He waited a while to get noticed and by the time he turned his head to where he had last seen the girl he had been dancing with, she was already dancing with someone else. Not the biggest deal, Dan thought as he downed both of the shots of tequila he had ordered, sticking out his tongue in disgust at the bitter taste. He put the shot glasses back on the bar and decided he would watch for a while. Not the girl in the dress in particular, but just everyone. 

Sometimes, Dan thought as he watched everything start to sway as the song got slow, he wished he didn’t feel so goddamn lonely. Even when he was with Rebecca, he had felt alone because he couldn’t tell her some things, which led to a gap that was always widening and deepening even when Dan tried to ignore. Dan just wished he could find one person he didn’t feel like he was performing a role to be with. Not even romantically, just...with him. Understand him. Dan got so deep into his thoughts that he almost forgot he was at a bar until someone bumped into him, spilling lukewarm something all over the front of his one dress shirt.

“Wotchit,” Dan said out as he turned his head to meet a pair of eyes. Like super pretty eyes that were a kaleidoscope of blue, green, and yellow. His hair was cut into a very “emo style,” a real bird’s nest, and dyed blacker than any night sky Dan had ever seen. He looked familiar, but Dan couldn’t place where he had seen him before (or if he even had and his inebriated brain was playing tricks on him). His face was red and Dan couldn’t tell if it was from being drunk or because it was warm in the club. Dan’s money was on the other man being drunk. 

“Aw, sorry,” the other man said, his voice exceedingly Northern sounding to Dan’s ears. It was barely quieter by the bar, but it was easier to hear than when he had been in the crowd of people. “I’m a klutz. Do you want me to buy you a drink?”   
  
I want to stare into your eyes, Dan thought and he must have said something out loud because the other man started laughing. 

“That’s uh. That’s sweet. I think,” he said, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck, swaying a little where he stood. Dan’s eyes traced over his biceps and he felt himself blushing. 

The other man laughed, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth.

That did it. 

The little personal quirk tripped Dan’s memory and Dan realized now where he recognized Phil from. That’s right; he came in a group with him and a few other skaters. God, how far gone was he?

“If anything I owe you a drink; you did amazing earlier,” Dan said, hoping he came off as nonchalant and not slightly bitter. 

Phil raised his eyes before squinting at Dan. “But I spilt a beer on you.”

“But you placed first today. One of us should celebrate,” Dan explained, his hands gesturing between the two of them.

“I’ll buy you a drink and then you can buy me a drink. Sound fair?” Phil asked, Dan nodding along eagerly. Drinks sounded good. The more he drank, the more the loss from earlier didn’t ache. 

They turned their heads and tried to get the bartender’s attention. He made eye contact with them and then ignored them to keep chatting up a redhead at the other end of the bar. 

“How rude,” Phil said with a laugh. Dan felt his stomach flip at the sound. 

Phil raised his hand and waved it in the air, trying to get the bartender’s attention again. When the bartender came over, he was a little short with them, but he poured shots for them.

“Whose tab?” he asked, sounding clearly bored as he kept looking over his shoulder towards the redhead he had been obviously chatting up earlier. 

“Mine,” Dan and Phil said at the same time, looking at each other with a laugh. 

“You said I could buy you a drink,” Dan said, feeling himself pout a little.

“After I bought you a drink,” Phil retorted.

“I don’t care whose buy whose drink, I just need it on a tab.

“Two more shots,” Dan said before turning to Phil. “These two will be on me. Fair?”

“Fine,” Phil said with a pout across his lips, the bottom one sticking out a little. Dan wanted to bite it, pull his lip in between his teeth and bite it gently until he gained access to Phil’s mouth and then…

And then…

Fuck, Dan thought. Here was the problem with being bisexual in theory but not very much in practice. Sure, he had made out with a few other guys during his (more) emo phase, but they didn’t go very far. It was hard to imagine anything past kissing another boy. And Dan wanted to kiss Phil. Badly. Hell, Phil had basically been his bisexual awakening and now he was here, talking to Dan like he wasn’t the best skater in England. Maybe he had a victory kink?

Or maybe he was just being a horny drunk, he thought as limes were placed in front of Phil and him. He licked the side of his hand and poured a little salt on the spot so it would stick. He licked the salt and poured the tequila in his mouth before biting into the lime. It was much more pleasant than his last shot, but the tequila still burned going down his throat. He looked over at Phil who was making a face so disgusted that Dan couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. 

“You didn’t look much better,” Phil said with a laugh, his tongue sticking out again as he laughed. He pulled a face that Dan imagined was supposed to be how his face looked when he took the shot of tequila.

“Well it’s a better face than this,” Dan said, screwing his face up, sticking out his tongue and shutting his eyes. Phil shoved at his shoulder gently and Dan laughed as his equilibrium went off for a moment, swaying back toward Phil. 

“Fair enough,” Phil said with a laugh. “Wanna uh...wanna finish these and go dance?”

Dan blinked. “With you?”   
  
“I was hoping so...but.. Oh no, I did it again,” Phil muttered under his breath, barely audible except for how close Dan was standing. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Dan asked, genuinely confused by what was upsetting Phil. 

“For assuming. You know. That you were flirting with me,” Phil said, rubbing the back of his neck, which looked redder than earlier. 

Dan felt himself blink again and leaned in closer to Phil. “I kind of am. I’m a bit pissed so my brain is all. Slow.”

“Oh,” Phil said quietly before offering Dan his hand. “Would you like to dance? With me?”

“Yeah,” Dan said, slamming back one of the remaining shots of tequila. “I would, Phil.”

-

Dan was sweating again. He could barely breathe against the crush of the crowd, pressing him closer and closer to his dance partner. He could make out pale skin and black hair, but he felt dizzy with his eyes open, so he shut them, concentrating on the strong hands against his hips and hips grinding against his ass. Dan grinded back against them, tipping his head back. It fell against their shoulder and for a moment, Dan felt small. Is this what some girls felt like? Is this what Reecca felt like when she and Dan had danced? Is this what the girl wearing the short and sparkly dress had felt like? Dan laughed as he grinded. Britney’s ‘Toxic’ played in the background and Dan couldn’t help but sing along. 

Phil laughed against his neck, causing Dan’s brain to short circuit. 

“Having fun?” Phil all but screamed in his ear. 

“Yeah!” Dan screamed back, before going back to singing along with Britney. He turned in Phil’s arms so he was facing him, looping his arms around Phil’s neck. He pressed forward, pressing his face into Phil’s neck, not caring about how sweaty Phil was.

He just wanted to feel close to someone. 

Phil’s hands came to rest on his waist and they started to sway, looking awkward and out of place in the crowd of people losing their shit as ‘Toxic’ transitioned to a Ke$ha song. Dan couldn’t think of the name of it. All he could think about was how Phil smelled. Although he smelled a bit like alcohol and sweat, he also smelled like a  _ really _ good cologne. Dan kind of wanted to drown in it. Instead, because Dan was a fail, he leaned up and tried to whisper in Phil’s ear. 

“What?”

“I said you smell good!” Dan shouted, pulling his face away from Phil’s neck. A few people turned to look at him. Phil laughed. At least Dan thought he was because his fucking tongue was sticking out again.

“Thank you,” Phil finally shouted back when he was done laughing at Dan’s outburst.

Dan was utterly charmed. 

He watched as Phil ran his tongue quickly across his lower lip before putting it back in his mouth. Dan pressed forward again, pressing his face in Phil’s sweaty neck and felt Phil’s fingers tighten momentarily against his hips. Dan decided to try his luck and ran his tongue against Phil’s neck, catching a droplet of sweat on his tongue. He made a face at the taste but it was worth it to feel Phil’s pulse jump under his tongue. The fingers were tight on his hips again.

Dan repeated the action, this time leading up Phil’s neck to his ear where he bit the lobe. Dan barely cared they were in public. The alcohol coursing through his veins told him it was fine, he was doing the right thing.    


“Fuck,” he heard Phil say, louder than a firework as the music quieted down as it transitioned to a slower song. “I um...do you want to uh...fuck.”

Dan stared at Phil, blinking in confusion. That seemed a little fast. Like he heard about U-Haul lesbians on the internet, but was this how sex with another male went? That quick? “Sure?”

“No, no I mean...one second,” Phil said before holding on to Dan’s arm and gently leading him out of the crowd of people, walking a little stiffly, but his hand never tightened uncomfortably on Dan’s arm. Phil dragged him into the bathroom and looked under the few stalls until he found an empty one. He pushed the door open and Dan squinted as Phil led him inside the cramped space. Did Phil have to pee? 

Dan backed up until his back hit the door, trying to give Phil room in the tiny stall.

“Peeing with a boner is suuuper uncomfortable,” Dan said, looking at Phil confused. “And I could have uh. Waited outside for you - ”

Dan felt himself shut up as Phil put his hand gently on Dan’s face, tilting his head up to face him. Phil leaned forward, so close that their lips could touch if Dan leaned forward just a little more. 

“I wanna kiss you,” Phil mumbled. “Even though you’re a bad singer. You’re just….really pretty.”

“I’m a boy,” Dan said, blinking. “I can’t be pretty.”

“You’re too damn pretty, Dan Howell,” Phil said, finally,  _ finally _ leaning forward and pressing his lips against Dan’s. It was a little wet, and tasted a little like the shit tequila shots they had had, but Dan hummed into the kiss, his hands coming forward to rest on Phil’s hips. Dan tried to follow Phil’s lips as he pulled away a few minutes later.

“Is okay?” Phil mumbled, giving Dan’s lips a peck. 

Dan let out a content sigh and stared into Phil’s eyes, nodding. Because shit, he made out with Phil Lester. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

“Mmmkay,” Phil said, leaning down and pecking Dan’s lips again, pulling away to make his way down Dan’s neck. 

Dan did his best to not flinch, wanting to tuck his head to the side and block Phil out. His neck was sensitive, easily his biggest erogenous zone. But Phil was being so gentle, kissing his way down and stopping to suck. Dan was shifting from foot to foot, starting to get hard from the attention being paid to his neck. His hands inched backwards, slipping into Phil’s back pockets and pulling him closer against him. Dan felt the vibration of Phil moaning against his neck and repeated the action. Dan yelped as Phil bit into his neck, letting out a moan as the bite turned to sucking. Phil pulled away after a moment and looked at Dan.

“You’re loud,” Phil said, giggling a little. He looked so pretty, all red faced and eyes sparkling in the dim lighting of the bathroom. 

“Can’t help it. Feels good,” Dan said, giving Phil’s ass a squeeze. Or at least tried to, skinny jeans be damned with their constricting pockets. Dan leaned back into Phil’s face and whispered, ”Kiss me again.”

Dan giggled because see, he could be quiet. He wasn’t just a loudmouth like everyone thought he was. But the giggles were cut off as Phil kissed him again, his hands squeezing between the door and Dan’s ass. Phil gave Dan’s ass a squeeze and Dan pulled Phil against him again. They made out again for a few minutes, Dan finally getting the opportunity to bite Phil’s lower lip. When they pulled away from each other, they were grinding against each other. The slow grinding was turning Dan on and Dan could feel how hard Phil was too. Feeling another dick rub against his, even through clothing, caused a thought to pass through his head. 

What did dick taste like? Would it taste like cum (look, everyone tried it at least once, okay, it wasn’t weird)? Would it taste like something else? 

Dan kind of wanted to find out. But he also didn’t want to stop the grinding they were doing; honestly, Dan thought he could come like this. Phil’s face buried in his neck as they grinded against each other, listening to Phil’s little puffs of breath against his neck, whining as Dan slid a thigh between Phil’s legs.

Oh, that _whine_. Dan felt himself throb in his pants and fuck, he needed air. 

“One...one minute,” Dan said as he lowered his leg, pushing Phil back slightly. Phil swayed in place and watched as Dan unbuttoned and unzipped his skinny jeans. “Sorry. I’m just. I could cut glass.”

Phil giggled, making Dan pout. “You could too. Unzip yourself.”

“Oh?” Phil asked, his tone mocking. “I think...I think you’re trying to seduce me.” 

Dan giggled. “Yeah. I am.”

Phil laughed but he unzipped his jeans as well. “Oh, that feels a bit better.”

“Right?” Dan asked.

“I’m sorry I doubted you,” Phil said, “even if you are trying to seduce me.”

“I’m seducing the shit out of you,” Dan said.

“Fuck yeah you are,” Phil said leaning in and pressing a hand under Dan’s shirt to rest on his pelvic bone. “Wanna touch you. Wanted to touch you all night.”

“Fuck,” Dan cursed. “Touch me. I’ll. I’ll touch you too.”

“Sounds fair,” Phil said, his hand sliding lower to cup Dan. Dan let out a whine that sounded pitiful to his own ears, ignoring the guy who yelled “shut up” from a few stalls down. He couldn’t help it. Phil Lester was touching his dick. Kind of. Dan reached out and cupped Phil too, relishing the moan he let out against Dan’s neck. Dan massaged him the best he could but got frustrated with the lack of things he could do. Phil seemed to be enjoying it but Dan was a dude; he knew it could feel  _ better _ .

“Phil,” Dan said, sounding pleading as Phil cupped him again. “Push your pants down. Just a little bit. Wanna touch you, wanna make you feel good.”

“Yeah, yeah, you too Dan, you too,” Phil said, pulling his hand off Dan’s dick to shimmy his jeans and pants down a little bit. Dan watched as Phil’s dick bobbed free and fuck. He was thick. Maybe thicker than Dan. Or was Dan just exaggerating because this was the first dick he had seen in person besides his own? Dan reached out and ran a few fingers over the top of it. Phil stepped away and looked at Dan.

“Now you,” Phil said, and fuck. He could pull his pants down too and _ Phil Lester would touch his dick _ . Dan was only eighty percent sure he wasn’t dreaming. The other twenty percent didn’t care if this was a dream because his dick was about to be touched. 

Dan pulled down his jeans and let out a relieved sigh as his dick bobbed free. Dan looked at Phil to see his reaction gasped when Phil grabbed his dick, not nearly as gentle as the light finger touches Dan had done.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Dan chanted as Phil gave it a stroke. It was a little dry until Phil pulled his hand away and licked it. Dan pulled Phil’s hand towards his face and licked over it too before letting it go. “It’ll be super wet now.”

Phil giggled but he put his hand back on Dan’s dick. Dan enjoyed the stroking for a few minutes, lost in it until Phil pulled away. Dan opened his eyes and stared at Phil who was pouting, his red lip sticking out attractively.

“You said you’d touch me too,” Phil said. 

“Sorry. You felt good,” Dan said, licking his palm. Phil grabbed Dan’s hand and licked it too, giggling. 

“It’ll be super wet,” Phil said, repeating Dan’s words from earlier. Dan giggled but ran his hand down Phil’s clothes covered chest prolonging touching Phil’s dick. What if he was bad at it? He had only touched his own and he hadn’t even done that in a few months since they had moved into Nan’s house. He took a deep breath and wrapped his hand around Phil’s dick and felt relieved as Phil let out a groan, his hand returning to touching Dan’s dick too. 

They stood like that for a minute, just holding each other’s dicks. Dan giggled because it was awkward and Dan couldn’t help it. Phil started to giggle too, breaking off when Dan gave an experimental stroke upwards on Phil’s dick. Phil let out a choked moan and Dan repeated the action. His assessment from earlier was right though, he thought idly as he stroked Phil slowly. Phil was thicker, but Dan was pretty sure he was longer. Maybe. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was the way Phil whined into his neck, occasionally biting it to muffle his noises.

Dan didn’t have the same shame, moaning loudly when Phil sped up his stroking. He was so focused on Phil, Phil, Phil that the club could burn down and he wouldn’t even notice. Dan was so caught up in his thoughts, mindlessly thrusting into Phil’s hand he almost didn’t hear Phil chanting “cumming, cumming, cumming” until it was too late and his hand got wetter. 

“Fuck,” Dan said, removing his hand from Phil and wrapping it around Phil’s still hand on his dick, wanting to help. He wanted to come too. He linked their fingers together, not caring about the splooge on his fingers. Phil raised his hand out of Dan’s neck and leaned in to kiss him, Dan eagerly returning as their hands glided over his dick. It took Dan another five minutes to come and in that time, Phil called him ‘baby’ three times. It didn’t make his skin crawl like when Rebecca had called him baby. It felt more protective than mocking. 

“C’mon baby,” Phil said. “It’s okay, you can come."

“Fuck,” Dan said, knocking his head back and into the door of the stall. “Fuck.”

Dan felt himself convulse as he came. That had felt amazing. Fuck, Phil Lester could skate and jerk off guys like a champ. Dan giggled at the thought of presenting a gold medal. It didn’t take Phil long to join in and start giggling with him.

“Holy shit, that was ace,” Phil said. “I can’t believe we did that. ”

“Neither can I,” Dan said, his eyes half-mast as he leaned against the door, watching Phil tuck himself back into his pants and jeans. “It’s like a dream.”

“Mate, your sheets must be a mess if this is a dream,” Phil said with a laugh. Dan joined him before finally moving to tuck himself back in. He normally liked to cuddle after sex but he kind of doubted they could have a proper cuddle in a bathrrom stall. 

“You ready?” Phil asked, reaching behind Dan to reach for the lock on the door. Dan nodded, making a face as his hand started to feel tacky from the cum. Phil leaned in and gave him a last peck before unlocking the door. Dan looped his arms around Phil’s neck, kissing him deeper than the peck. Phil returned it, his hands reaching down to rest on Dan’s hips instead of pushing him away. They lazily kissed for aeons as far as Dan could tell, until there was a pounding on the door behind Dan’s head.

“This is security. You can’t have two people in a stall,” a man with a deep voice announced. “I have to escort you out.”

Dan felt himself panicking, his stomach going from calm and relaxed to tangled up in knots in an instant. He felt himself start to gag as he pushed Phil out of the way and lunged for the toilet to throw up. 


	2. phil is a disaster gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some phil pov, spanning chapters 2-4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: broken ankle
> 
> i think i just missed writing from phil's pov. at first when i wanted to start writing this fic, i did want to do alternating chapters/povs, however i thought that that would be a) too similar to friday night placebo, b) i wanted to stretch myself a little, and c) this is more of dan's story than it is phil's. like phil is in it, but his growth isn't explored in dancing on the blades (you set my heart on fire).
> 
> ...god i set myself for a sequel with that, didn't i?

Phil couldn’t stop thinking about Dan Howell. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about the way they had taken shots together and Dan had laughed at his face. He couldn’t stop thinking of the ways they had danced together or the way the rainbow lights had reflected off Dan’s tanner skin as Britney Spears played in the background. Phil also couldn’t stop thinking about how Dan had moaned so loud and unashamed in the bathroom or how Phil had come so hard he had seen stars indoors and how much they had kissed and kissed and kissed until someone banged on the door.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how he and Dan had gotten kicked out of the club as soon as Dan was done throwing up in the bathroom stall. He remembered how he had helped wash Dan’s face off and pressed a soft kiss to Dan’s cheek afterwards, feeling some of Dan’s tears stick to his lip as Dan kept apologizing. He had helped Dan get back to the hotel, the shorter male crying and apologizing but keeping an arm on to Phil’s waist as a lifeline. It had been warm and solid until Phil had found Dan’ coach, who had taken one look at Dan slumped into Phil’s side and had taken over. 

Maybe it’s because he hadn’t been with anyone since he had seen Charlie three months ago or maybe Phil had just been lonely, but whenever he shut his eyes, he just imagined Dan’s face as he tilted his head back, singing along to Britney Spears or the way Dan had interlocked their hands in the stall. 

God, he needed to go on a date, he thought as Dan’s laughter echoed in his head. He couldn’t sustain his want for romance through club hookups and his on-and-off thing with Charlie that fucked with his head so much. He didn’t even know where he stood with Charlie right now. Were they on or off? Phil honestly couldn’t remember. 

Phil sighed and turned to face the wall, wrapping himself around the body pillow he had recently bought for nights like this when he felt lonely. He buried his face in the pillow and let out another deep sigh, as his nose tricked him into thinking he smelt Dan’s sweat and cologne as he tried to fall asleep.

-

It happened on a day where he was practising his routine. 

He was ready to head to the  Trophée Éric Bompard (the fourth renaming for the  Internationaux de France for the Grand Prix) and he thought ‘ _ maybe I need to change up my routine. _ ’ He knew he wouldn’t place high enough in this program to go to the Grand Prix Final unless he added in a more difficult element. Maybe he could try for a quad? He hadn’t really practised for them too much on the ice but he knew he had the potential to land one. He turned his back, glided for a moment on his right foot, and got ready to jump. He launched himself in the air and felt it in his soul that he had under-rotated and —

Pain.

God, this was blinding pain, Phil thought as he let out a yelp as his foot came down at an angle that wasn’t right. Katie, his coach, skated over to him immediately and told him not to put pressure on it, looping one of his arms over her shoulder after helping him up. Phil let Katie basically glide him across the ice on one foot as he bit on his inner cheek as searing hot pain radiated from his ankle and up his leg. They got him to hop over to the closest bleacher and had him sit down as she reached into her pants pocket and pull out a phone to call an ambulance.

“Katie, no, no,” Phil kept saying as he tried to get her not to call the ambulance. Because an ambulance would make it real. It would make this a broken ankle and not just a sprain. He wouldn’t be able to compete for months now. Phil rubbed at the corner of his eyes, which also felt on fire from unshed tears. He reached down to unlace his skate and Katie batted his hand away.

“It’s stabilizing it, Phil; leave it alone until the paramedics get here,” Katie said, staring him down in a way that Phil had learned over the years meant not to mess with her. He obeyed, looking up towards the ceiling of the rink and tried his best not to cry. He was glad Katie was known as the scariest coach at the rin because even though no one on the ice was moving, no one dared approach them where they were sitting on the bleachers. 

Phil tried not to cry in embarrassment as he sat there. He didn’t cry as the ambulance drove him to the hospital as his parents followed in a car behind him. He didn’t cry as they confirmed he had broken his ankle. He didn’t cry as his mom took a picture of his laid up in the hospital bed as they prepared for him to get a cast. He didn’t cry as he checked his Twitter account and noticed his mom had posted for him saying he wouldn’t be competing for the rest of the season. 

The only thing that broke through his numbness was the flood of tweets that came in telling him how sorry they were going to be to not see him skate. It hurt, seeing how many people he was letting down because his ego had pushed him. There was even a tweet from Dan, with a little broken heart. Phil liked that tweet and then set his phone down. He looked around the empty hospital room (his parents had gone for lunch in the cafeteria) and finally, finally let himself cry.

-

Phil was bored. 

Normally, when it was audition day for Sheffield, he was out on the floor herding people from place to place as he ran around like crazy. He loved doing it, he loved helping his family. But because of his ankle, he had been delegated to sitting in the office and going over his homework for long-distance learning. He was so far ahead in his studies he wanted to vomit. Or maybe because he was hungry, he thought, looking up at the clock to see it was nearly noon. They must be ready for a break by now, Phil thought as he shakily stood up and grabbed for the crutches leaned against the desk next to him.

It had taken some time to get used to the crutches, but since moving back into his parents’ house where his room was on the first level, he had gotten some practice. He used the crutches to get to the rink, waving at PJ who was walking by with a...a very nervous Dan who was biting a hangnail and hanging off PJ’s every word as they walked into the rink. Phil stood in place for a minute, leaning against the nearest wall.

Phil hadn’t known that Dan was auditioning, feeling sure that PJ would have wanted to tease him about Dan. Ever since PJ and Chris had heard about how he had gotten kicked out of the club for “indecent activities” with Dan, the teasing had been relentless, especially after PJ found him snooping through Dan’s Twitter feed one time. Either way, Dan was auditioning and there was a part of Phil that wanted to watch. He waited a few minutes before going over to the door and struggling to open it since it wasn't a push door. 

He stood close to the door and watched as Dan warmed up on the ice, his eyes dragging along Dan’s lithe figure. He hadn’t been kidding when he had called Dan pretty, he thought, taking in Dan’s all-black ensemble. He watched as Dan attempted a single jump combination a few times until PJ made the announcement that he had a minute left of practice. Dan didn’t seem to notice him so Phil scooted closer to the wall of glass that surrounded the ice and watched as Dan posed in the centre of the ice before starting his program.

It was the same one that Phil had seen in London but it seemed different. Better, Phil thought as he watched Dan’s footwork across the ice, gliding smooth and sure. Dan looked so much more confident than he had that day in London and what was that jump? Phil felt his throat tighten up at the overrotated jump Dan performed, the one thing marring an otherwise beautiful program. Phil couldn’t watch anymore, feeling sick as his foot gave a phantom ache at his own recent memory of over-rotating. He turned and went back towards the door, figuring he could wait there until the end of Dan’s performance. He couldn’t see a well, hidden partially by the bleachers, but the music finally faded out after another minute or so. 

It was quiet for a moment before he heard a rather loud  “Thank you for your time!” yelled from the ice before the door to the ice opened up. 

Oh no, Phil thought in a panic. He was stuck. He couldn’t admit he had snuck in here like a creeper and had watched Dan’s performance. That was...not unethical or even wrong, but it was so creepy. It’s not like Phil had joined his family, Katie, and the other coaches on the bleachers to watch like a sane person. 

But again, it was like Dan wasn’t even aware that Phil was alive. He was so focused on his duffle bag and looking up towards the middle of the bleachers that Phil took advantage of the moment to let his eyes trace over Dan’s profile, feeling his heart speed up as he looked him over. His hair was starting to curl at the edges and he was biting his lower lip nervously and Phil remembered doing the same in the bathroom stall of the club. 

He was so focused on staring at Dan that he barely noticed Dan walking his way. He tried to move out of the way of the door, but instead, bumped directly into Dan. 

“I’m so sorry,” Dan said, reaching out to steady Phil, finally meeting his eyes and realizing who he was holding. Phil watched as Dan’s face went from a little pink to a ruddy red colour. Phil felt his breath catch as Dan’s hands squeezed around his biceps, a memory of the club flashing through his brain.

“It was a little bit my fault,” Phil said with a nervous laugh. “I’m still getting the hang of these crutches. But I’m injured so we’ll blame you.”

Why had Phil said that? Why had he mentioned his broken, bum ankle, Phil thought as he watched Dan’s eyes dart down and then re-meet his eyes before letting go of Phil’s arms with another squeeze. 

Phil wanted his hands back on him. 

“Sorry again,” Dan mumbled. “And uh. Sorry about your foot. Have they said how long it’s - ”

“Hey Phil, Dan,” PJ said, appearing at their sides. “Dan, it looked spectacular! I hope you get in.”

Phil was going to lance PJ with one of his crutches. He was finally talking to Dan again after two months and PJ had to interrupt?

“You and me both,” Dan said, looking up from the floor and looking over at PJ, rubbing the back of his neck. It was endearing, especially with how sensitive Phil remembered Dan’s neck to be. “I uh...I better get going. It was nice seeing you guys again.”

“How long are you here for?” PJ asked. “We should hang out again.”

Phil took back everything he said; he was going to kiss PJ. He was going to buy PJ eighteen beers and, if he could afford it, maybe pay his rent. He was going to -   
  
“I’m actually leaving tonight. I have to go check out of the hotel room and get over to the train station. Sorry,” Dan said with a shrug of his shoulder.

“Well, that’s a shame,” PJ said, sounding honestly disappointed. He looked at Phil with a sneaky look on his face (that Phil _ knew _ meant PJ was making fun of him) and asked, “Isn’t it a shame, Phil?”

PJ’s voice had changed on that last question, sounding mocking and Phil didn’t want that. Obviously their hookup hadn’t meant anything to Dan, who had never tried to get in touch with him and PJ needed to not make fun of him for it. Phil shook his head at PJ before he answered that it was a shame.

“But hope to see you back here in the month,” Phil said with a smile at Dan, who gave him a shy smile back.

“Thanks,” Dan said, looking between Phil and PJ before making his goodbyes and leaving. Phil leaned against the nearest wall and sighed.

“PJ, you’re the worst,” Phil heard himself whine into the wall of the door. “Why didn’t you tell me he’d be here?”   
  
“Oh, it wasn't that bad. He said he hoped he’d see us again,” said PJ, ever the optimist.

Phil turned at PJ and stared incredulously at him. “He meant the rink, PJ.”

“Hey, he may have meant the rink, but he’d see us anyway,” PJ said as the group of coaches and Phil’s family turned the corner. 

“Hello child,” his mom greeted him cheerfully, reaching around Phil to open the door. “Ready for lunch?”   
  
“Yeah,” Phil said, hopping out of the door and into the lobby. Dan looked up and made eye contact with Phil. Phil felt his cheeks heat up as he hopped behind his parents, doing his best to concentrate on “walking” and staring at Dan for as long as possible.

It wasn’t until later that night he realized he still hadn’t gotten the other boy’s number, sitting up in bed and cursing. 


End file.
